Step 5: Build a Relationship. Identify the co-worker's behavior as passive-aggressive; however, refrain from attempting to render any type of diagnosis of someone's behavior. Offering your coworker praise when they do something well. Speaking of interruptions make sure you set some time aside to have this conversion it shouldnt feel rushed. Its usually a gut instinct. [If] someone on your team is mad at the boss, they might end up being aggressive towards you passively to take it out on that boss, but you are the more direct recipient of that, West said. The following are all examples of what might be considered passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace: Acting kind and friendly to someones face, but criticizing or talking negatively about them behind their back. What Is Human Resource Development (HRD)? Workers must also follow any reasonable instruction given by your employer to comply with a health and safety duty (such as following workplace policies and procedures for preventing and responding to violence or aggression). You don't deserve to be punished, no matter what your coworker is going through. Remember you cant change an aggressive colleague; you will not win or please them. Below weve listed down 10 ways that Anagha suggests will help you deal with an aggressive colleague. You benefit from considering if coworkers' passive-aggressive behavior results from them being upset about a valid issue. Passive-aggressive people indirectly express their negative feelings rather than openly addressing them. Required fields are marked *. Its helpful to separate the passive from the aggressive, notes Scott Crabtree, Chief Happiness Officer at Happy Brain Science. Rather than . This will allow you your peace of mind and wont let their actions bother you as the communication is minimum. If you do have to work together, try to do it in a group setting where they may behave in a less hostile manner. This is because we overestimate how long things will take to change. In other words, a passive-aggressive co-worker may feel angry, jealous, or upset, but they mask their emotions through indirect hostility. A passive-aggressive colleague may act this way because of upbringing, low confidence, or poor conflict-resolution skills, to name a few. Instead, try to explain your point of view to the person directly. Try not to let the conflict escalate into an argument. Many people think looking for work or navigating their careers are scary journeys, because frankly they can be. 5. Shut down a passive aggressive coworker with 5 steps (2023) They will appreciate the acknowledgment. Is your impression correct? Work on staying calm and controlling your emotions so you can be composed. When you put on an investigative hat, you might recognize that its not personal, or its not because they are angry with you, says Raza. Escalate the situation until you've tried to solve it informally and with the help of your allies. Of course, well also be answering your questions about the topic. We've all met a passive-aggressive coworker before. Calming breathing exercises can be useful tools to have on hand during times of intense stress and conflict. Looking at this from a workplace perspective might help you work together toward a productive outcome. Seeking Mediation Or Support From A Higher Authority. When sharing how they make you feel, use "I" language so they better understand your perspective. Of course, sometimes, an aggressive coworkers behavior is directed toward you specifically. For example, when pitching your big idea to a pessimist make sure you point out the potential problems, and explain how you would address them, before they have a chance to. For example, Raza suggests saying, When you made this comment, it made me feel this way. I respect your opinion and appreciate direct feedback. Dealing with a passive-aggressive colleague can be tough. If you think theres a team or company-wide issue, you could try raising it with your boss, or suggest team-building activities to strengthen relationships. Other typical signs of passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace include: giving people the silent treatment, gossiping behind your back, sarcasm, and Forgetting to inform you of critical information, said narcissistic abuse coach Lynn Catalano. Theres no chance that someone will physically attack you. Tatiana Compton is a freelance journalist who has covered accountancy and finance in both the UK and US. Speaking to someone about their behavior could be difficult, so give the conversation the privacy it deserves. From my experience, passive-aggressive colleagues have a habit of ccing your manager on e-mails anyway, particularly since were all working from home. Plus, the added benefit of a message from the boss is that your colleague is also forced to reconsider their own expectations of themselves. 3. Passive-aggressive people struggle to express themselves openly at work, but you can influence positive change by welcoming feedback and dialogue. It may seem a bit strange at first, but we recommend keeping a sort of short-term document to note specific, concrete examples of your colleagues passive-aggressive behavior. Empathize with the origin of their passive-aggressive . No one has the right to harass or bully you, but if you have a tense relationship with a coworker, ask yourself if there might be instances where you were displaying some level of passive aggression. Its also worth considering whether your coworkers behavior is really bad. And if its something that you can work on, thats a better way to get around the situation. When expanded it provides a list of search options that will switch the search inputs to match the current selection. Even though youre assertive with them, it does not mean your assertiveness will change them. But with the intention of finding a safe haven and someone to confide in. That's why, after you've distanced yourself from them as much as possible, it's important to take care of your mental health. However, Ive always felt better when discussing whats expected of me, and knowing that Im doing my job, even if others may disagree. It gives me the impression that you dont trust me., Feeling is true, but what youre feeling may not necessarily be a factual situation, he says. Bring that persons behavior out into the open, it will force them to address it and give you back control of the situation. Sutton says that most people stay at their current position longer than expected. If you are close with this person say something such as wouldnt this work much better if neither of us attacked each other? or in a more formal situation It seems there is quite a hostile atmosphere in the room, how do you feel? Be assertive respond in a way that respects the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people. 6. When you catch yourself genuinely hurt or offended by a colleagues passive-aggressive behavior, it is in your best interest not to personalize this. When a colleague cops a passive-aggressive attitude, determine how this behavior has benefited them in the past. Keep your voice low and choose your words carefully. To help resolve the issue and reverse the behavior, start by approaching your co-worker in a non-confrontational way. This approach allows you to objectively assess the situation without getting emotionally involved. 1. If you feel upset, take a few deep breaths and focus on something else. When she isnt conducting international macroeconomic research at her day job, you can find her in the spin room or planning her next adventure. Take a few minutes to calm yourself down and if needed, come back and re-address the situation. Effective Strategies For Dealing With A Passive Aggressive Coworker. Its only when youre at work. If you need to take this step, focus on the business impact, such as how their no-showing at meetings is impacting project timelines and budgets. They may have learned through example that direct conflict is not safe, or they may have been punished for expressing themselves directly. Instead, try to figure out why youre unhappy and address those issues. When a colleague cops a passive-aggressive attitude, determine how this behavior has benefited them in the past. Passive-aggressive people have mastered the art of slyly hiding their anger and other related feelings. "So, it is not treated as a threat. I believe it is fear. We can train ourselves to be calmer and to find the peace., Stephanie Vozza is a freelance writer who covers productivity, careers, and leadership. An aggressive colleague often fails to consider the views or feeling of other people and rarely shows praise or appreciation of others. Try not to lose your cool or control of the situation. Empathize with the origin of their passive-aggressive behavior. Take the blame many bullies pick targets that are highly skilled and well-liked. Join our network of experts #LinkedUp! Conversations like these arent easy to have. Check out the full interview here. An award-winning team of journalists, designers, and videographers who tell brand stories through Fast Company's distinctive lens, The future of innovation and technology in government for the greater good, Fast Company's annual ranking of businesses that are making an outsize impact, Leaders who are shaping the future of business in creative ways, New workplaces, new food sources, new medicine--even an entirely new economic system. That might mean working from home to limit contact, popping on headphones while you work, or taking a brisk walk around the block to clear your mind. Find your allies The reality of dealing with an aggressive colleague is that. Take a second to think through your response if you need to, even saying something like, Can we talk about this later? if you dont feel like you can be cordial in the moment. That means focusing on the positive rather than the negative.. With passive-aggressive behavior, people get to somewhat express their feelings, while still guarding themselves, fending off a perceived possible attack, and leaving themselves with an escape route (i.e. The more interesting part is what makes people passive, Crabtree continues. Meeting them with understanding can work wonders for improving your relationship. This LinkedIn Learning course helps you navigate conflict resolution because it is an important skill to have. She graduated from Denison University with a BA in communications. Some examples of passive-aggressive behavior include sarcastic remarks, acting friendly to someone's face while criticizing them behind their back, and saying something nice while using negative non-verbal cues. Preston Ni, author of How to communicate effectively and handle difficult people noted that an appropriate dose of humor can shine light on the truth, disarm difficult behavior, and show that you have superior composure. A note of caution here humor can also be used aggressively. Or, worse of all, you may be dealing with the serial note-leaver who seems to never be around when it comes time to discuss the issue. 5 Steps to Handle an Aggressive Colleague | Ivy Exec Still, the bottom-line remains: dealing with passive-aggressive messages in the workplace sucks. Staying calm elicits a powerful presence and is effective for diffusing unpleasant personal comments. How did you manage it? Avoid internalising the mean things they may say out of anger. While that may be the quickest way to resolve a conflict, a lot of people resort to another tactic: passive aggression, or using underhanded comments to vent frustration. For example if you know the person to be a pessimist, when working for them be sure to point out all the potential pitfalls of a project to avert a disagreeable response. While you may be irked by your colleagues criticisms or lack of follow-through, refuse to mirror their emotional tone. Just because you both work at the same company doesnt mean you have to be around each other. Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior in the workplace can be frustrating. Behavioral changes take time. 1. Mastering a few simple principles of assertiveness can help defuse resistance and bolster cooperation. Whether it's from work or family obligations, stress can cause people to exhibit difficult behaviors. It will only make the situation tenser and affirm that they are behaving appropriately. All rights reserved. Passive behavior is often really hard to define but you know theres something wrong. For example, if a passive-aggressive co-worker tries to deride your work on a project during a staff meeting, you should make the choice to: 1. It may help to remind yourself that you have more important things to do than to spend all day battling with this person. You still need to hold them to an appropriate standard of behavior. Remember that you aren't the only person affected by an aggressive coworker's actions. 6. At the end of the day, this is an issue they need to deal with and not your problem (even when they try to make it yours).. Asking the appropriate questions is the most effective way to establish a relationship with a passive aggressive co-worker. Refrain from assuming your boss will support you if you report a coworker behaving inappropriately. Or maybe your coworkers need to do more to show respect. If your job requires collaboration with passive-aggressive colleagues, you may need to modify your communication ever so slightly in order to make things work. Deep down, your colleagues behavior is most likely driven by fear fear of rejection, fear of missing out, fear of not being good enough. 8 Ways To Deal With Passive-Aggressive Coworkers - Indeed As of late, from e-mails to direct messages, the conversations I have been engaging in with my colleagues have been passive-aggressive, to say the least. They may even be out of touch with their own feelings, unable to tell when they are truly upset or off course. As we have discussed earlier, people act in passive-aggressive ways because they are scared of what could come if they address their needs and concerns directly. Keep reading to learn how you can handle mean female coworkers and make your job a pleasant place to be again. Tit for tat gets you nowhere. Or, you could say that you don't want to discuss specific topics with them. Simply asking them what they thought of a comment/action/response can help you work out whether theres a real problem, or youve just misread someone. By taking action now, you can prevent further problems down the road. They may get to feel superior by putting others down. Set Boundaries: It's also vital that you set boundaries with an aggressive coworker. Encouraging two-way communication helps head off passive-aggressive patterns before they start. If you notice that your coworker seems to be treating you poorly, speak up immediately. If you become upset or angry take a moment to breath and work out a better way of communicating with the person. She's written for Fast Company since 2014, and her byline has appeared in several other leading publications and websites. Heres why, Conflict management styles to make you a pro, Managing conflicting desires with relational dialectics theory, Streamline brainstorming and collaboration with Cacoos mind mapping software, The art of adaptability: using contingency theory for effective management, Developer onboarding made simple with Cacoos online diagramming software: a step-by-step guide. Or maybe you do not see that coworker showing up where they should, and you find yourself constantly stifling eye rolls. Dont allow yourself to be treated unfairly. From my experience, passive-aggressive messages make me question myself, my own self-worth and often send me into a spiral of imposter syndrome. Dealing with a passive-aggressive co-worker isnt easy, especially when youre a sensitive person. In reality, youll probably have to work with this person again. At what point do you contact a manager to help? You can leave your job immediately. If you find yourself stuck in a rut, consider what you could do about it. If their behavior is having a negative impact on the business, and you have done the best you can to address it on your own, it might be time to take it to your boss, Brick said. Stand your ground and express yourself firmly, honestly and respectfully. Understanding that it comes from a place of fear might help cool your irritation and approach the situation from a place of compassion rather than anger. You might think quitting your job is the best thing to do now, but it sometimes turns out differently. Perhaps a colleague has started cutting you out of team lunches or meetings for no apparent reason. Let them know you welcome talking directly about issues. 5. Refusing to be direct or give straight answers to questions. Take care of yourself. 3 Tactics I Use To Deal With Petty, Passive-Aggressive Coworkers When that happens, it can be hard to tell whether theyre trying to hurt you or vent their frustration. If possible keep some distance from them unless it is critical for your work. But you have to remember that it is something that they need to deal with, it has nothing to do with you. So the boss isn't this kind of punitive measure, they are more someone who's going to have to step in and help, or HR is going to have to step in and help, but the person that you are bringing up the conflict with is well aware that that's a possibility if things don't change, so you are both on the same page and you're coming up with what that looks like.. Learn how to build resilience against overthinking. Here are eight tips for dealing with passive-aggressive colleagues: Empathize with the origin of their passive-aggressive behavior. Now, before jumping to any conclusions, Id advise that you wait to see whether this is a recurring pattern, before taking action. You can always reply directly to your boss, on one of these ccd messages, and ask if he or she can put some time on their calendar to briefly chat with you about the project youre involved in with your colleague. If you have to ask, then ask the right person #WhoKnew? It doesnt happen overnight; we have to work on it, he says. Its hard to want to help someone when theyve been behaving unprofessionally but this is your chance to take the upper hand. 3 Ways To Best Handle Aggressive People In The Workplace - Forbes If the said colleague is not a part of your immediate team, you should definitely maintain distance intentionally. This reinforcement can make it difficult for passive-aggressive individuals to break out of this cycle of behavior. Maybe they have a legitimate point. googletag.cmd.push(function() { googletag.display('div-gpt-ad-1431288993256-1'); }); However, if this behavior continues even after a brief confrontation, Id say its time to take this issue to your boss. Regardless of the reason, its never okay to treat coworkers badly. Something may be going on in their head or in their life that is instigating that behavior. Once you realize that its nothing to do with you, you dont need to feel defensive.. Try to find out the root cause and suggest an action plan so that they can correct it. They think were mean. So let's figure out what those goals are and when they need to be accomplished., Treat it a little bit like you would a marital fight where you need counseling. Instead, remind yourself, there is anger in me. Theres a difference. It is important to have specific examples you can refer to when you get to the point of confronting this colleague to avoid the losing game of an ambiguous, circular argument. Most aggressive people like to dominate the conversation so it helps to remind them that they're dealing with a real person and that their behaviour has an affect on you. If so, you might take a more empathetic approach toward their actions and try to understand why they're struggling to resolve their dilemma properly. In the end, being passive-aggressive is not worth jeopardizing your own professionalism in the workplace, especially if, like me, you're one of the younger members . Its perfectly reasonable to be frustrated by passive-aggressive behavior, but process your emotions outside of your interaction with the person. How To Deal With Passive Aggressive Coworker? - interObservers Try to present the situation neutrally rather than assigning blame which could make them head to the defensive. Talk about the points they raised while steering clear of the emotional side of things. How to Deal With an Aggressive Coworker at Your Job Source: Photo by Los Muertos Crew from Pexels. 12 Simple Ways to Deal with a Passive Aggressive Coworker With careful handling, you can leave the other side unscathed and even with enhanced respect from your colleagues. If you find it distressing to be spoken to in an aggressive manner and it leaves you wondering what you did to deserve it, you are not alone. I think this is true for bosses, and this is also true for co-workers. They are doing the best they can, and direct confrontation doesnt feel safe to them, which can make addressing it precarious as they are likely to deny any negative dynamics.. Gossip. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. Learn to voice your thoughts. But, it can be a little more frustrating when a co-worker is passive-aggressive because the root of the behavior is tough to pinpoint. I think this is one way these things are getting manifested.. For example, You have made a couple of comments in our team meetings about my work on the project. Try to understand the person behind the aggression, it might show you a way to handle them. You have unconditional love for them, which makes it easy to overlook comments from them that can be hurtful. in a limited capacity. Dont back down from your opinion or reason. You cant control everything, but you can control your reactions, says an HR professional. To it I would only add (to my younger self), "take this advice now and be more assertive about sitting down with the passive aggressive co-worker to sort things out.". Book out a private meeting room, head to a coffee shop, or have a one-on-one video call, so you can both speak candidly without fear of being overheard or interrupted. All that being said, one should also not shy away to take a step back and look inward. Remember that you arent the only person affected by an aggressive coworkers actions. Learn how your comment data is processed. Finally, don't expect your efforts to yield immediate results. Micro-aggressions may intensify when you disrupt the normal, elusive way of doing things. Otherwise, you run the risk of making things worse. For myself, I often make a list of even the smallest victories, such as congratulatory e-mails or positive feedback messages. Just make sure it comes across as asking for advice and not moaning, particularly if the person you're having trouble with is another woman. Bringing the conversation back to how you're feeling and what you're thinking can be a way to move beyond their demands. 15 sure-fire ways to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers Raza says it can help to remember how you might deal with your young child. Nine times out of ten, passive-aggressive people just want to feel listened to and the negativity is just as unpleasant for them as it is you. If, for example, a coworker who typically leaves his assigned tasks incomplete finally does complete his tasks on time for once, go out of your way to let them know they did a great job on the assignment. So the way we deal with it is to complain to our friends or the people we trust at work, but we never actually have those uncomfortable conversations early. Anger, Masked with a Smile: How to Handle Passive-Aggressive Workers - SHRM
