After perceiving virginity as the only way of being in the world for a non-married woman, Kareen viewed virginity at the time of the interview as not just the physical or scientific explanation; virginity was responsibility, intimacy and spirituality: like intimate, spirituality, like somethinglike it is physical but its more, there is a lot of I guess, of baggage associated with it cause I mean, theres no scientificlike I dont see virginity and science being togetherFor me virginity is more something spiritual, something you know religious and something emotional that you participate in; like sex is something you participate in with somebody else and its something very intimate. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Meaning whether youre a male or a female you will be held accountable! Participants described ways of being as an Arab that are different from ways of being as an American. I mean, Iit seems so ridiculous but itsI realize that when you choose to have sex, you eliminate an entire class of men that you would have met, you know, married, in your dating pool. In Sahih Bukhari, it is reported that `A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) said . The fact that Zeinas parents did not care about the race or nationality of her husbandbecause she was in her early thirties and they were worried she will not get marriedspeaks to race and gender issues in addition to a different perspective regarding selective assimilation/acculturation. Through his philosophy of embodiment, Merleau-Ponty considered, my body is my point of view upon the world (Merleau-Ponty 1945/2012). Allah has made such a beautiful balance for humankind. As for your question whether virginity belongs to females only? [] Its a huge, its a huge decision and I dont think that I appreciated that when I did choose to have sex. I must add that this is a terrible sin. The discrepancy mattered since almost every female interviewee, even those who described themselves as assertive and highly ambitious, the study said, had struggled with asking for promotions. The process of disembodied virginity is addressed in the literature, although not labeled as disembodied virginity. The relationship of the concept of honorwomans honor, familys honor, and societys honorto virginity in the Arab societies is discussed by many scholars. Other scholars have expounded on the pressures placed specifically on Arab American women to maintain a good Arab girl image (Cainkar and Read 2014; Naber 2012; Read and Oselin 2008). The womens identification of who they are shifted and changed based on who they were comparing themselves to. You know, there was no independent process on my part to arrive at the value of virginity. The words of Zeina, I did not make a decision of how valuable my virginity was. Race was a fluid construct and participants identified with it differently. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". The data collection started in May 2012 and was completed in November of 2013. She said (translated from Arabic): In the summer, we used to do everything, you take your clothes off, you do this, you do that. Phenomenology as a method to investigate the experience lived: A perspective from Husserl and Merleau Pontys thought. Isnt the emphasis on virginity (as opposed to emphasizing modesty or not committing zina) just cultural and non-Islamic? So the fact that you can tell for a woman, thats why its importantthats why I question it. Accordingly, . The compensation for such an act is an eternity in Hell with doubled disgrace and never-ending torment. The Status of a Job Acquired with False Certification. Younger participants like Eliana, Salwa, and Nisreen conveyed a somewhat more universal approach in their comparisons between Arabs and Americans. A flame of fire was reaching them from underneath, and when it reached them, they cried out loudly. Experiences and meanings of virginity are developed, influenced, and transformed by relationships with other people and the situational context in which they live. Zeina recounted the fights with her mother about going to the prom: It was always my mother who would make a big stake of this and anything; if I wanted to go to a dance, there was no dances, I mean I wasI went to the prom only after fights, fights, and fights! Are bad thoughts haram, or merely acting on them, Proof and Wisdom behind the Prohibition of Gold, Praying Behind Someone Performing a Different Prayer. Reem I think that like theres a really big misinterpretation of religion in terms of like a lot of times people think its acceptable to label someone as a whore or label her as like a terrible person, whereas a guy like, there is no virginity test for him or whatever. For this group of Arab and Arab American women, virginity was described in an abstract fashion that reflected experience, maturity, transition, responsibility, trust, and knowing and loving ones body. Im telling you that Im going to this persons place, that Im just going to study. I think that, that made her trust me more, I think. Allah has specified punishment for Zina (illicit sex) for both men and women. Which I always say I am 72 in Arab girl years. Zeina said, We were all very studious. The women portrayed an image of a good Arab girl that they were socialized to preserve. The rule of virginity among young women of Maghrebine origin in France. Virginity is part of our existence in the world as embodied sexual subjects and, while many meanings are associated with virginity and commonly related to first vaginal intercourse, in most of the Arab world virginity relates to the presence of a hymen and extends to encompass the honor of the Arab community. Some women recalled how their mothers constantly reminded them of the bad American things they should not be doing. Virginity is an important aspect of spirituality and it has to be preserved before marriage, or when one is ready to move into another sacred state of being with their significant other. Here are the importance of virginity in Islam: 1. So I was 30 or 31 years old, and I would come and sit down, and they would be like you know, you gotta cover your hair, and Id be like whatever. Developing the meanings of virginity was an entangled process that reflected the complexity of agency, sexuality, and nature of human beings at the intersection of ethnic identity, gender, immigration, religion, and politics. I felt I was being very superficial with myself, and I felt that it was a hypocrisy more than anything else, and I think thats why I slept with him, and I did it after three years of knowing him. Allah judges each and every individual based on his or her own deeds. This is not an Islamic view. Nisreen described how there is an association between virginity, respecting self, and protecting ones body from everyone whos not who you want to lose your virginity to. Aianna, who had lost her virginity with a boyfriend, redefined losing virginity by gaining a bond with someone. Theyd be like, you gotta have a husband, and I would be like whatever, you know [laughing]. She said: But I mean also you cant generalize America either because lets say you go to theyou go to the south or something like that you see Baptist church, theyre gonna preach you know virginity or even you know like those children who have those promise rings or chastity bracelets. Participants attributed the virginity double standards to several factors: patriarchy and male dominance in Arab societies, misinterpretation of religious tenets, Arab mens egos, norms of masculinity, moral hypocrisy, gender dynamics of parenting and family, and finally the assumption that the presence or absence of the hymen is an accurate indicator of a womans prior sexual experience. To preserve the good Arab girl image, all women in this study were expected to be high achievers. During the interviews, the participants reflected on their past and current experiences that led most of them to an embodied understanding of virginity. Zeina recounted: She [her mother] was, Shameful! It was that experience of you know, allowing someone in. Humphreys TP. Jane I. Smith, . Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Certificates of virginity and reconstruction of the hymen. The participants in this study did not discuss religion and their understanding of its importance to virginity as much as we anticipated. Virginity is always spoken of with women because it is known that there is evidence. The transcribed interviews were analyzed in their original language (Santos et al. Who of worth am I gonna give myself to? Layals decision to lose her virginity was based on positioning herself differently than some other girls who were engaging in intimate sexual relationships, yet refusing vaginal intercourse to maintain their virginity, and she never regretted it. The interpretation was a continuous process of relating a part of some text to the whole of the text and all passages were understood in their relationship to the larger whole. But, this should be not be the absolute condition for virginity of a bride in Islam. And I think, thats the way I see virginity; who am I saving myself to? Im not keeping it a secret from you. The study provides a better understanding of the diverse meanings of virginity that move beyond the binary of virginity and virginity loss into a spectrum of embodied meanings in Arab American women. Phenomenology is a philosophy about consciousness, knowledge, and the diverse ways of being in the world; it is an analysis of the intentional experiences in order to perceive the meaning of a phenomenon and to arrive at its essence (Sadala and Adorno 2002). This is because virginity is something of great social weight in Islamic society, and for a past error (from which the woman has presumably repented) to affect her honor and future would be wrong. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. That does not mean only those with intact hymens but those who have never attempted premarital sex till the time of nikah. The concept of virginity from the perspective of Iranian adolescents: a Thats insane. The website is no longer in existence. "The Virgin Mary in Islamic . Throughout the interviews, categories of family and gender continually emerged and intersected with virginity, sexuality, and immigration. Naber described how Arab Americans reversed the American Orientalist discourses to form some kind of cultural validity expressed through what she called the triangulated ideal of the good Arab family, good Arab girls, and compulsory heterosexuality, all in opposition to an imagined America and its apparent sexual promiscuity, broken families, and bad women (p. 65). The participants discussed the double standards within the Arab society in terms of virginity: Arab men are allowed to engage in pre-marital sex while Arab women are not. She said: You know they were very strict with us there is no I want and I dont want, at the table, at dinner, if you were to eat dinner, you sat there and you shut up! See more images, video and . Virginity, sexuality, and heteronormative gender roles are common categories identified in most studies examining Arab and Arab American identities (Ajrouch 2004; Akl 2014; El Feki 2013; Ilkkaracan 2008; Naber 2006, 2012, Read and Oselin 2008; Read 2003; Shakir 1997; Shalhoub-Kevorkian 2005). So I always knew I was different than themI think its what separates Arabic [sic] girls from everybody else. An example is Nabers work (2006) that addressed Arab American femininities by investigating the intersection of sexuality and Arab ethnic identity in the US. Arab America: Gender, cultural politics, and activism. Participants in this study indirectly addressed the fluidity of the racial boundaries and the way it impacted their assimilation process. The primary author conducted the ten interviews in Arabic and/or English following an open-structured interview guide; the interviews lasted between 50 and 96 min and were audio-recorded. The stories that most participants described, echoed the important role of families in gender role division and expectations. All participants signed an informed consent and received a $25 gift card of their choice. For participants like Zeina, letting go of some of the Arab cultural values, alienated her from Arab relatives and Arab men in general. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. Anthropological reflections on cultural relativism and its others. I was told how valuable it was. If all the women married by the prophet (saaws) (except for Aishah) were non-virgins, then where is the lack of honor? Kareen, who was virgin was at the time of the interview, revealed ambivalence by going back and forth between describing her strong beliefs and values about remaining virgin, and describing the ideal relationship where there is a possibility that she will not wait till after marriage. A qualitative study of middle eastern/Arab American sexual minority identity development. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Virginity lost: An intimate portrait of first sexual experiences. I could never sleep over at my friends house. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. In the article, women get hymenoplasty to "recapture" the virginity they have lost, be it through sex, horseback riding, an accident, etc., to protect themselves from the humiliation and/or punishment they would get for not being a virgin before marriage. Rana thought that the physical value of womens virginity is mostly important to men. Despite her ambivalence, Kareen showed agency and ownership of her embodied virginity. In the life stories told, we heard disconnection between the participants value of their virginity and the outside worlds value of their virginity. Muslims and the Virgin Mary - Aleteia How does Islam define virginity? : r/MuslimMarriage - Reddit Abdulrahim S, James SA, Yamout R, Baker W. Discrimination and psychological distress: Does whiteness matter for Arab Americans? More recently, Akl (2014) investigated the multimodal expressions of Arab Muslim women in the US and reported a focus on family life, social concerns, gender roles, sexual expression, and the use of the digital space for self-expression. She is one of the most important and righteous women in Islam. Kareen embodied her virginity in a different manner that reflected the importance of religion and culture. Islamic law . For Carpenter (2001), virginity was understood as a gift (something very special given to the right person), a process (a transition, a rite of passage), and a stigma (a bad thing to be ashamed of). However, meanings of virginity have been also reported to be more abstract and related to the sexual experience (Carpenter 2005). For participants who had brothers, the double standards and different gender role expectations were witnessed both in the home as well as outside of it in Arab communities. Other participants discussed being pressured by their parents to succeed academically. These categories circulated within the participants families and communities, and were contested and redefined over time and over different generations. Why is there so much coverage on this procedure? Zeina recounted an incident from her childhood about strict parenting. In: Ilkkaracan P, editor. Question relating Islam and virginity : r/islam Zeina, who lost her virginity with a boyfriend, talked about the shame, sin, and guilt conversations around losing virginity and the sexual act. I mean you could not wipe the smile out of my parents faces for the last 6 months. Understanding Virginity in Islam. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. We use cookies on IslamQA to measure visitor stats. Women are STILL oppressed in Islam because of the "virginity phenomenon". Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. A virgin bride is called as bikr in Arabic. I felt that was what virginity meant to me. Despite the importance of Mary in the Islamic tradition, there are no known complete book- length general accounts of Mary's role in Islam. Eliana described how a woman needs to be happy on her own and content with herself in order to be happy with someone else. Cinthio H. You go home and tell that to my dad! conflicting claims and understandings on hymen and virginity. Also, fathers' permission is needed for females in their first marriage. In Sahih Bukhari, it is reported that `Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) said, O Messenger of Allah, do you not see that if you descended into a valley in which there is a tree that has been eaten from and a tree that has not been eaten from, which would you stop your mount at? For me, it was just a point to prove that it is possible to live in an American society without being influenced by the negative things. government site. The Perennial Importance of Mary's Virginity and Jesus's Divinity: Qur Like the men have such an ego like the person Im with or married to is still a virgin so no one can talk about her. Virginity is an important issue in Turkish society because of the position of virginity in both Islam and Turkish traditions and customs. recommended marrying virgins. So everyones always judging someone else and using religion as an excuse, whereas everyone is like sinning in some way or another. The events of and following September 11, 2001 (9/11), formed a hyper-visibility of Arabs in the US and subsequently reinforced stereotypes, discrimination, and Orientalist discourses (Abu-Ras and Suarez 2009; Jamal and Naber 2008). Iran is a MENA country with Islamic ideology where sexual relationships are accepted only within the marriage framework. 1University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing Centers for Global Womens Health and Health Equity Research, 418 Curie Blvd, Claire M. Fagin Hall, Philadelphia, PA 19104-6096, USA. This is not an Islamic view. Like you always have people saying, Oh, shes such a slut. Kareen In the Arab world, it is a male-dominated society. But of course, I could never talk about this at home; so yeah, of course there are double standards. Over the years, he has developed a masterful ability to craft lessons that help non-Arabic speakers gain a deep understanding of the language. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. They were more pressured as Arab women to preserve the good Arab girl image by remaining virgins until marriage, by attaining high educational levels, and by behaving as respectful women through their dress code and daily gender performance. Ustadh Farid Dingle has completed extensive years of study in the sciences of the Arabic language and the various Islamic Sciences.During his studies, he also earned a CIFE Certificate in Islamic Finance. We were very disciplinedoh there was no dating; absolutely no dating. Virgin Galactic set to launch crucial 1st commercial SpaceShipTwo Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. We are Arabs describes the ways women identified with the Arab ethnic identity as a shared overall identification, but differed from one lived experience to another, and influenced how participants embodied virginity. For Zeina, its a huge defining line that separated non-virgin Arab American women from Arab menwho become the others in their lives and placed them outside of their dating and marrying pool: Arab American women in this country, if you choose to have sex before you were married, it is a huge dividing line. Despite interpreting virginity through intimacy, some participants embodied it by remaining virgins and others by not. Many felt lucky to be promoted at all. All of the participants had at least an undergraduate degree and self-identified as middle or upper-middle class. I dont have regrets. The tension with parents, specifically mothers, was expressed among most participants in this study and contributed to the women distancing themselves from their parents and other Arabs in their community. And of course Fadi went to all proms, my brother, and it was very different. She strongly opposed the idea that women are virgins after being physically intimate with someone, even if penetrating vaginal intercourse has not occurred. Bint Arab; Arab and Arab American women in the United States. Being part of the visibility and invisibility of the Arab Americans, Arab American womens lives are also framed by their immigration experiences as well as by race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, religion, and politics. Its true that Allah has designated different obligations for the male and the female. Kareen described how being exposed to different cultures and ways of thinking helped her redefine her perspectives on virginity. As the women in this study tried to describe and explain what virginity meant for them and why, their explanations circled around the overall Arab ethnic identity that was significantly characterized by family, the good Arab girl image (Naber 2006), gender division within the family, and the double standards of the sexual experience within the society. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment (24:2). Rana and Salwa discussed how they consistently pressured themselves to achieve more at school. Parents instilled and maintained the Arab ethnic identity, especially in the second-generation participants. About a conversation with her sister, Kareen revealed: Well my sister has told me that my mother has talked to her about the physical relationship, telling her, you know, We are Arabs, we dont do that, we wait, were good people. Not to say that having sex is bad but I think in her mind, theyre not married. 2015; Buitelaar 2002; El Feki 2013; El Saadawi 2007; Skandrani et al. So the first time I went out like this, my dad was shocked but then I would talk to him logically and convince him and he would say, Okay, I trust you, you can do whatever you want. So since then I was able to go out and party till three or four in the morning; they stopped asking me questions. In her book, Arab America: Gender, Cultural Politics and Activism, Naber (2012) discussed her experience with the Arabs in the San Francisco Bay Area and questioned their more socially conservative understandings of Arab concepts of religion, family, gender, and sexuality, than their counterparts in Jordan (p. 5). It completely colors the way they look at you. Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani. 2011); this notion was also conveyed by the ten participants. Interpretations of virginity from womens perspectives have been addressed by few Western and Arab scholars. We want to acknowledge the financial support provided by the Office of Nursing Research, and the Gender, Sexuality, and Womens Studies at the University of Pennsylvania as well as Sigma Theta Tau, Xi Chapter. Kareen recalled: I remember in sixth grade, a boy asked me out, and I told my parents and they flipped out! According to Glamour Magazine women exhibited more ambition compared to men to reach the top roles of a company by 17%, however, only 5% were able to actually get promoted. This is not an Islamic view. You know? Abu-Ras WM, Suarez ZE. They said, No boyfriends! Allah orders the men in the Quran saying, Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). If any do deeds of righteousness be they male or female and have faith, they will enter Heaven, and not the least injustice will be done to them. (4:124). I think they will never be able to quite understand that like the rules apply to the guy equally to the girlI think all Egyptian men are hypocritical. 1. Virginity, heteronormative sexual expression and gender performance are important aspects of the daily lives of Arab women and are important in understanding their identification as Arab women (Amer et al. Theres always that barrier between you and your American friends. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. Many participants enacted agency over their virginity, gender roles, and performance in different modalities, using the academic success to increase parents trust in them and to negotiate going out and staying out late. Ikizler AS, Szymanski DM. Santos HP, Jr, Black AM, Sandelowski M. Timing of translation in cross-language qualitative research. The following are excerpts from different participants stories about virginity and double standards: Layal But I know that Arab men think this way. Often they were unclear how to advance, and wound up doing jobs without the title and pay that should have accompanied them. In many places, men are reaching position easily while a woman needs to demonstrate her potential. This answer was indexed from Qibla.com, which used to have a repository of Islamic Q&A answered by various scholars. The beauty of this concept is that one has to be sincere, to himself and his Lord, and not need to prove anyone else their self-worth. However, for most participants, the process described was a disembodied one. All of the participants shared similar stories of their Arab ethnic identity; they verbalized common characteristics such as family closeness, the good Arab girl image, and gendered double standards as important to preserve the ethnic identity across the generation line. Hermeneutics is a philosophy of understanding and interpretation with the acknowledgment that understanding is always positional and influenced by ones personal, cultural, and historical background (Todres and Wheeler 2001). But then I reminded her, Im not doing drugs. In Islam, both male and female are responsible for their chastity. In addition, brothers did not have to gain trust of the parents or succeed academically to be allowed to go out or talk about sex.
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