Improv classes to help you be more relaxed/ confident, but also to learn how to increased your Status via body language. If youll be looking at data, then try to identify interesting trends, question existing assumptions, or identify a valuable question that the data may answer. This can make it seem like youre more dominant than you are naturally without needing to contribute when you dont have a strongly held opinion, and your natural inclination towards listening can be a golden skill in terms of making others feel seen/heard (you probably notice the other people in the room who arent talking too!). Every other question uses flat or falling intonation (Whats your favorite food?). Introverted me will never love small talk or banter, but I have gotten better at faking it. It tooks a lot for me to go on stage, including all my vocal training. Very loud extroverts. A few things here: Im a chatty introvert and dont have any trouble speaking up in meetings. Some gyms are very focused on getting that happy, healthy mind that comes from regular adrenline-fueled endorphine lifts, and those are the gyms that help the most. And make sure that you find a class and instructor that makes you feel comfortable and gives equal time to everyone, not just extroverts. Ive had this feedback at both jobs Ive had and from several managers within those jobs. Also, practice at home (but not in the mirror). In fact in most situations, Im the designated get everyones attention person. We're thinkers, and thrive on heavier conversations about life, ideas, theories and . Conciliatory language? Learn to develop your own strengths rather than trying to fit into a different personality type. Roll back your shoulders and stand up straight. I am slight in stature and have a fairly light voice as well. :D, My alter ego is named Maxine Miranda. The best piece of advice Ive gotten in a long time has been to get rid of weak action verbs. Part of my job. I think the feedback youve gotten makes you feel like you need to change something about your personality (whether thats just how youre reading these annual reviews or if thats actually what your managers have been saying), and Id push back on that idea. OP might in fact be an introvert and doesnt need to try to change that part they just need to focus being a little more assertive and contribute more, and balance that with their natural tendencies. If someone's pointed out you're too quiet they've already formed a certain impression of you. I, too, am an introvert, and I was always a small woman in male dominated fields. Im slightly hard of hearing, and I just cant hear her. Its second nature to me now to speak like that in meetings or presentations but it felt very unnatural to start with. Speaking up in a meeting is certainly not the only way to participate and contribute, but since youre being evaluated based on how youre showing up its worth looking into. To add: this colleague is smart and her contributions are great! I concur that a public speaking coach to help you project your voice in meetings (and to learn how to talk over interruptions, when a peer or a subordinate interrupts you) is a good plan. This teaches you what to look for. I agree with the suggestions about opportunities to practice using your voice, and advice from actual speech coaches, AND I would suggest spending a little time with an actual personal coach who focuses on purpose, your sense of who you are in relation to your work. You dont need to either. But, as an introvert who grew up in a family of extroverts, I feel a strong desire to also say this: extroverts sometimes just dont get it. Do it on zoom if youre not in the same location. Being someone else also help give you voice and confidence in using it. It makes it sound as if you are asking a question, and therefore are uncertain, rather than making a declarative statement. I always sit in those spots whether I am the first or the last in the room, because I am lets say very Not Retiring. Confidence is a natural energizer, and so is anger. Know what you want to get out of a meeting. INFJ: 6 brilliant answers to "Why are you so quiet"? - Introvert Spring Honestly, whats been most helpful for me is to just learn to be fine with the person I am. I imagine its the same for you! I dont think the OPs problem is some pathology with her voice. They are self-reliant. is Dont apologize for taking up space or Dont be afraid to take up the space you need. Canadian as wellso you know were not direct and too nice to be blunt (most times). It might be more how youre perceived generally, which can function as a sort of filter, such that your actions are not perceived neutrally or completely. It doesnt have to be anything mind-blowing, just chit-chat will do. Yeah, thats me too. In shy people, this need to be liked and accepted is magnified. I used to be the shy and quiet type. I really like the idea of being the first one to speak after any questions? its something Id normally run a mile from so would probably make me come across quite differently! I would identify moments where you COULD have been more outspoken or convicted and think about what your barrier was. They do drain me, though. I developed these tactics when I had a job working with sales people. This was mostly because I found that most meetings would go off the rails and people would not realize who was responsible for what, but this also let other people see me as being engaged with everyone. Although I am boisterous, I am short and female, and as I looked back over my career I can see where both may have impacted my advancement. I used to work in public relations as an introvert and always had this feedback. Getting rid of the dreaded, In my opinion, is also huge. Women, POC, short people, people with high voices or slight voices, people who dont dominate every conversation just for the sake of talking all deserve to be heard too and if you internalize that idea that will help you feel better about speaking up when you do have something to say. Also, the more you contribute, the more comfortable you will be at sharing your expertise, and your good contributions will outweigh the times that you were wrong or asked a basic question. You could also consider writing recaps and sharing with the group afterwards. Yeah. Is there a recurring meeting that youd be able to lead or run through an agenda with the group? Spend some time improving your communication with smaller groups, and the next time it gets brought up in a review, you can hopefully say, Penelope Apples with Client XYZ provided feedback last week that she prefers to work with me directly because Im able to communicate the campaign goals directly to her. They really help people find THEIR voice, not someone elses version of it. It doesn't come from lack of confidence, it comes from common decency and dignity. Some of this could be that your companies have attracted certain types and you dont fit that. Physical presence counts for a lot more than people realize. ask an Improv teacher if your class can do some status work, its very handy in controlling how others perceive you. In my first job, I had training on how to give and receive feedback. Two things I started doing when I wanted to speak was to either clear my throat (if the room was quieter) or hum for a second or two (if the room was pretty boiserous). Some of this is in other posts, so forgive the repetition: As you yourself said, wearing clothes that make you feel confident helps. Lol, you know, I typed that not long after reading something from Ezra Klein. Depending on where OP is starting from, things like sitting up straight and making eye contact could be a great place to start. Youve gotten a lot of suggestions on ways to change your voice, your wording, and your body language. We live in a world where introverts are asked to adjust to fit into an extrovert setting, not the other way around. I wouldnt rule that out at all, but to add some context as a New Zealander, where a high rising terminal was pretty common in speech for men and women of all ages for a long time (less so, these days, observationally), it was a contributing factor in some research I remember from the 1990s? I deserve that space! Some are negative, blockers, challengers, devils advocate (for everything) and some are positive clarifiers, mediators, etc. The suggestions for a voice coach are excellent. Early in my career my manager advised me that I didnt look engaged in meetings (even though I was) and that by leaning in instead of sitting back, engaging in eye contact with whoever was speaking, noddingbasically performative listeningwould be advisable to change the perception that I was not interested in what was going on. OP, I can have a fairly loud voice that I can project thanks to voice lessons way back in the day, both singing and forensic speech Breathing, mouth movements, knowing how/when to shift from the head to the throatheck, Youtube is full of tutorials on this topic! Period. Are you coming up with your own ideas or asking questions that show youre thinking through issues? Then I was told that I was yelling at the customers and being angry. Try it out for yourself next time. I feel like with so many comments this may get lost but just in case! "I don't like the social barriers that certain situations create. The book Nice Girls Dont Get The Corner Office by Lois Frankel really helped me when I was in a similar situation. They're focused on themselves most of the time and have a rich inner life. I think learning techniques for projecting a little more is a great idea. Its actually a perfect springboard. Just want to say, I totally empathize. (When men and people higher than me NEVER did.) But I will add on to the suggestion that you reach out to a voice/acting coach. If I know that we have a new client coming on, I try to research that client and come up with at least a few ideas for what we can do with them, before we have a brainstorming meeting. Definitely dont let others speak for youa big pet peeve of mine! I try to think about things I may want to bring up ahead of time, and have my info and responses ready to go. For example, In my opinion, we should do X, sounds less powerful than, After looking more into Y, Im confident we need to do X. Its a small change that really, really worked for me. (Now that a vocal coach is a website away, that would be an even better approach.) Its the Thursday ask the readers question. OP, I have gotten similar feedback to you. It was uncomfortable at first but was another step in the right direction. What Ive found helps me, however, is to then put those ideas in text form later. I am *blessed* with a quiet and breathy (ugh) voice and have a bit of a southern accent. I took a voice and diction class in college and oh man did it help me out so much. I was not only quiet, but terrified of speaking, especially in situations where I couldnt predict or plan exactly what to say. You just have to own it and tell them youre introverted. While some people do find it annoying when overused, the rising tone at the ends of sentences comes from an effort to add prosody, or tonal arch, to a phrase. They bring a lot to the team and to our projects. You learn how to project your voice while sounding convincing, and how to walk that fine line between following a script and improvising when needed (i.e. Reach out for the awkward encountersinitiating greetings, deliberately going into the meetings when there are plenty of ppl there. When we put up with difficult relationships and thwarted life progress, we can end up with low self-esteem. Even a church where you can do some readings and/or participate in the choir. Also seconding the advice about learning to project your voice (youll be less likely to be spoken over IME) and body confidence. I already try tactics like wearing the clothes that make me feel most confident and being one of the first to join meetings so I can make small talk with a smaller group first. It does NOT mean arrogance it means you believe and why would you say it if you thought it was wrong No hedging preambles, no diminishing words, no self doubt about it. I just wanted to follow up on X > Do you have an update on X. Additionally, exclude maybe/might/could/try when possible. You can try things to influence their perception, but also keep in mind that a lot of this might not be so much about your personality or something youre doing wrong, but just your current circumstances. Do we think young women sound less confident because they use uptalk (and creak)? ;), My personal experience with this, is that you will get told youre Too quiet and timid! and then as soon as you start speaking up more confidently, youll get told youre too assertive and aggressive.. coworkers keep commenting on how quiet I am Ask a Manager I love my family, but being around them all day makes me tired too. But when I need to turn it on, I can turn it on. There was an article floating around LinkedIn recently about the value of the quiet person in the meeting. Introversion is not the same as shy. A local theatre group. If Im feeling spicy, Ill tell them that I think before I speak. Also get there a little early and make some small talk, it will help people remember you were there and participated. OP will have to decide for themselves what is best for themselves and in their industry, of course. Totally agree although I have both young men and women who do this (but yes, more young women). Its an exhausting transition, especially if you are energized by alone time or if its difficult for you to speak up in a group setting. However, sometimes those tricks just work. - Quora. Im shy, not an introvert really, and I have this problem too but luckily I work in industries where its very normal to be introverted and theres at least less of a presumption that talking more = you know more. In contrast, introverts often thrive on thinking through ideas independently, which doesnt always lend itself to a meeting setting. Having a naturally soft voice doesn't mean you can't learn to project, and having somebody you trust provide feedback should help reassure you that you're not shouting, if that's one of your worries. Challenging people is tough because then they can say that your behaviour was aggressive and scary, even if they themselves act the same way. Twitter, professional affinity groups, virtual conferences, local gatherings (when safe to do so!). That might be the wrong approach. A voice coach could help but I hate that there is so often considered only ONE WAY FOR WOMEN TO BE in the workplace. Its context-dependent there are definitely meetings (usually ones with a lot of people, most or all of them more senior than I am) where I feel nervous about speaking but also plenty where I feel comfortable speaking but still seem to come across as timid. Also, sometimes its okay to be wrong! If you plan to speak at least once per meeting (or whatever), then during the meeting youll listen more actively, trying to find something to say. I also like saying Person Who Just Spoke, you mentioned X, could you say more about that? or help me understand X? which works for practically anything you want to know more about. Yes, this. Theres also a book called The Power of Voice by one such acting coach who works with a lot of famous actors that might be a good place to start if meeting with someone isnt a feasible option. Good luck! Hiring a voice coach would be strategic, much like an actor hiring an accent coach. Certainly gauge the number to your role, but three contributions in, say, a team meeting isnt too outrageous. : 1. We all want to be accepted and liked. Is. Also, do you apologize for anything? Toastmaster is awesome I have been a member for years also. 3. "Even when I am quiet, my mind constantly talks. A major difference between introverts and extroverts is that extroverts tend to get ideas while they are engaging actively with other people, so the process of participating in a meeting actually causes us to have things to say. I can absolutely confirm that it is career-limiting in this industry if you struggle to be a memorable part of meetings and a strong voice. This so much! Im having delightful mental images of Balance Sheets through Interpretive Dance! It might help you to tell yourself- They are probably looking forward to this about as much as I am. This type of thinking can help level the playing field. Also, if you are very petite, try not to pick a chair with a tall or wide back, and make sure that the height is adjusted correctly so you dont look like a child at the adult table. +1 I talk a lot, Im quite social, but I also need a lot of downtime/me time to recharge. Answer Honestly. Make yourself bigger rather than smaller. Lady Hale (former president of the UK Supreme Court) is another one with it. When I switched careers into higher education student advising and now IT, I am much happier and never get this sort of feedback. I view my strengths in listening to all the talking from our more vocal team members and distilling it down to the most important parts. The OP says that they speak up when they have something to say. 1, you have information to deliver to them, and 2, you need their input on a decision or process. Good luck! Ive learn to speak up, even if it is just to agree with someone else. Is there someone you see present often enough that you can see what works for them? Shyness | Psychology Today 6. is it right to fire someone for being arrested for a (horrible) crime? I definitely see where youre coming from, but OP wasnt just concerned about not speaking *enough* she specifically mentioned being bolder, speaking with more conviction, and not being seen as timid. How did you get buy in? In addition to the mental reminders and spreading out materials at the table as mentioned above, Ive started catching myself whenever Im standing near/against the wall and have made efforts to take up space in a room that requires a 360 radius. Thankfully this has helped with working from home the past year because I think a lot of it has to do with how much you talk and socialize at work. Did you find it difficult to politely cut into the conversation? I get this anywhere and everywhere I go. 4 Reasons Highly Intelligent People Are Often Socially Inept But this alone wont make you outspoken or bold, right? It does not have to be the deepest thing ever. And +1 on claiming space take more than a simple notebook and pen or you can come across visually as being there to take notes rather than participate. Not cause I'm shy, i just don't talk, only laugh at jokes. You can also get a lot of benefit from being empathetic and a great listener surrounded by people who like to talk. First, make sure you ALWAYS have a question or comment ready to share, in every presentation and every meeting, even if nothing comes to you naturally and you have to brainstorm an idea. A coach would be a great person to give you feedback, real-time advice, and a person to practice with. Id never received feedback from mentors about rising tones at the end of my sentences specifically, but I had heard that I speak in sing-song. I personally found it less helpful to focus on fixing my tone in speaking, and more helpful to consider the mindsets and attitudes that go into creating a reliance on prosody. When you do have something to say, assert yourself in a way appropriate to the situation talk from your diaphragm (something a voice coach could help you with, but think band drum major), clearly say I have a suggestion/idea/etc, physically insert yourself in a dominant position, like at the head of the room/table, dont allow yourself to be interrupted or talked over (even if you have to directly call out the interrupter). I worked in Marketing for years, and got similar feedback. Doing this I find I dont have to be out of character so much. Brilliant. That way not saying anything is seen as shes taking in the information and processing it rather than shes in over her head or what have you. I am an introvert-but I am not shy in the slightest. Sidenote: Being shy or quiet isn't necessarily what an introvert is. Try writing down your key points so you have them and can mention them when theres an appropriate moment. I think > I recommend/I suggest Months later, she told me that she was glad that I framed it that way early on because it shaped her understanding of how I communicated and that she agreed with my self-assessment. It doesnt take more than 1 or 2 friendly assertions to get people to understand that your quietness comes from inner confidence and not timidity. Synthesizing comments are great because they show you are pulling together pieces of information & can place you in somewhat of an authority role / move the discussion forward. I really like this question because I made me think about how I interacted at work and how I developed a work persona over the years. Yes! This makes it easier for me to speak up than trying to formulate on the fly. How does that rate compare with others who are viewed favourably? Something went wrong. Same idea with asking for permission when its unnecessary, like in a brainstorming meeting or when youve been asked to contribute an idea. They lack confidence Being quiet is sometimes seen as a flaw, however, there are many good reasons to be quiet. I have gotten a couple of promotions that I otherwise would not have. Thats a skill, not a talent, and its something you can learn. I dont have trouble hearing anyone else; just her. I also started really listening to colleagues and realized many of them are improvising and sharing half baked ideas. I love being around all these people, but I'm too scared to talk to them. Make a comment. Personally, Id rather live in a world where men had to adapt to that way of communicating. Joining after they do can be a reminder that youre there! Rather, it was usually putting you on the spot in front of a group. If. no but no one would say Im quiet anymore. I speak up when I have something to say and feel conviction for my opinions, but that doesnt come across. Im in advertising/marketing as well, and tend to naturally be an own-the-room type in meetings. It might take a minute to isolate the diaphragm if youve never done voice work before, but once you can figure out how to support from there, it can give your voice a lot of strength.
