So, you know, its wild to me that just six years ago, or whatever, I was on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Happy Polydays on Apple Podcasts Im just like, oh wow. Even with this more sex-positive view, the Islamic emphasis on women's pre-marital virginity and marital sexual fidelity makes it hostile to polyamory. Even though "The Book" (Torah/Old Testament) is filled with multiple-partner marriage, contemporary conservative forms of Christianity are stridently against non- or extra-marital sexuality (again, even though some of their most famous preachers have been caught in extramarital sexual relationships). I can see myself I dont know I often contemplate: if I were in a relationship, like an anchor partner relationship, that allowed me to have the freedom with my connections that I really wanted, will there be parts of my life where we appear monogamous? Why am I still in this relationship structure that I got into while I was a Christian, and nothing makes sense anymore? Polyamory and religion Participants were asked to select their religion from nine choices: Atheist/Agnostic, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Shinto, Sikh, or other. Polyamory is not just about sex. Leanne: Yeah. We discuss: - How purity culture is rape culture, and why it is particularly damaging to people socialised as women Sexual indulgence is not wicked, but it may be in some degree inadvisable, 2 Key Reasons Why Men Won't Stop Obsessing Over Size, How You Can Help When a Rape Case Goes to Trial, pathway to worshiping the divine in each of us, Polygamy, Group Marriage, Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy, Consensual Nonmonogamies Focused on Individuals, Growing Up Kinky: Research Shows How Kink Identity Is Formed, New Report Finds Most Teens Watch Online Pornography, Repairing Sexual Withholding in a Marriage, 4 Scientific Ways Good Sex Brings You Closer to Your Partner, 11 Reasons Why Many Women Might Not Have Orgasms. Some may choose to create their own ceremonies or rituals that reflect their polyamorous values, while others may seek the guidance of open-minded religious leaders to incorporate existing rituals in a way that acknowledges and honors their multiple relationships. With its multiplicity of faiths under one label and array of goddesses and gods within each faith, Paganism is unsurprisintly friendly towards polyamory. I speak with @puritytopolyamory as she shares her fascinating story of moving from the oppressive Evangelical Christian religion to solo polyamory. Jennifer Martin Courtesy Jennifer Martin I was raised in a strict religious household and never saw positive depictions of nonmonogamy. ("poly-") many. While the focus of polyamory lies in emotional connections and ethical non-monogamy, its important to address the practical aspects that arise when multiple partners share a living space. The Big Three in the United StatesChristianity, Islam, and Judaismshare the same theological foundations that mandate heterosexuality and marriage to create children. But that was not the same for him. So thats really nice. While one faction of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) wants the religion to recognize polyamorous unions and include it in their educational materials, another is concerned that the specter of poly relationships looming at the end of the slippery slope will derail their beloved goal of same-sex marriage. Open communication, seeking support from like-minded individuals or alternative spiritual spaces, and engaging in respectful dialogue with religious leaders or community members can help bridge the gap. Yes, there are resources available that explore the intersection of polyamory and faith. Extremism of any sort breeds attachment, and attachment causes pain through loss, which is inevitable because everything is fleeting. Fifteen characters and all. Its seen as romantic even its seen as cute if your partner is jealous. For instance, compatibility-wise, our faiths just completely I mean, his faith stayed the same, but my faith changed a lot. But, yeah. They just assume that if you love someone, then everything else should come easily. I remember, back when you first started your account, we had a conversation, way way way way back, where we were talking about how purity culture might have had an effect on someone identifying as demisexual. Today Im speaking to @puritytopolyamory who specializes in talking about deconstructing religion within the context of polyamory. So I would love for more people to know where to check you out. Moreover, while some religious traditions promote monogamy as the ideal relationship structure, others may be more open to the concept of polyamory. It is what it is. Polyamory as religious sexual counter-culture: The new charmed circle I speak with @puritytopolyamory as she shares her fascinating story of moving from the oppressive Evangelical Christian religion to solo polyamory. UUPA - 1.github.pool.ntp.org Why would I stay in this kind of relationship structure, you know? So yeah it just is sort of an unravelling of all of it piece-by-piece. It's wrong. Even though "The Book" (Torah/Old Testament) is filled with multiple-partner marriage, contemporary conservative forms of Christianity are stridently against non- or extra-marital sexuality (again, even though some of their most famous preachers have been caught in extramarital sexual relationships). Muslim men are allowed to have up to four wives as long as the men are able to provide sufficiently for the women and children. You are burning the whole thing down and building it up again. The @3.mountains triad who are very well known on TikTok Janie, from that triad, she grew up evangelical as well, and talks about that on her channel a little bit. Because I think that when followers come to me and clients come to me talking about unlearning mononormativity and purity culture, or whatever else, I think theres a lot of, Logically, I know this belief is harmful and its not really serving me, but I dont quite know how to internalize the new belief. And I was wondering if you had a particular process for unlearning all this stuff that you grew up with, or whether it was just something that came with time. @puritytopolyamory: Yeah. UUs see beauty and wisdom in many other faiths. But right now Im a single parent, and I definitely dont want to live with anyone. Thats not going to happen. The Greek letter Pi stands for the first letter in the word polyamory. I can imagine there could be a lot of pressure on women in particular. So, if you really hang on to that sex outside of a monogamous, hetero relationship is sin, then you would never be able to make that kind of transition. By Andrew Solomon. When nurtured with care, they can thrive. This would lead to cognitive distortions about how our cultural impact worked - simultaneously, my folks would complain that no one took religion seriously anymore or lived life according to it, and my dad would say well, Catholics in the northeast dont have to be strident and proselytizing about our beliefs - we run the school schedules and the legislatures, so we can let folks do what they want, and do what we want at home and not worry about it. (Hed contrast this to evangelicals wed see on TV or out and about.) So he encouraged me, basically, to continue this path of exploration. The touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin, the feel-good "love" hormone. Because, for myself, I had never even kissed anyone else. It needs to be in the context of a committed, loving relationship, or whatever. 2, Issue 1, 2020, pp. Religion significantly influences individuals values, beliefs, and attitudes towards relationships. Leanne: And I think what you said about you had this nave idea that once you found your person, that was it, you were locked in. Which lines up with that women are the holders of sexual experiences, and all of that. Get intelligence from our ever-growing source of consumer data on 24 million+ registered panel members in 55+ markets. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Exploring Polygamy, Polygyny, Polyamory, and Religion In my experience, local polyamorous communities tend to take it as given that youre no longer religious, or youre non-traditionally spiritual, or youre part of a very liberal splinter spin off of a church that invites everyone to worship (and you still get some side-eye and might not be fully out at church). And then it was just like six months of just being treated like basically I was a terrible human being. But then all of a sudden youre supposed to flip a switch, and you become a spouse, and suddenly youre supposed to have this incredible sex life that God is going to bless you with if you wait. This blog aims to delve into the concept of polyamory within the context, Read More Polyamory and Marriage: Exploring Non-Traditional CommitmentContinue, In todays evolving society, polyamorous relationships are gaining recognition and acceptance. So I experienced that in my younger teen years. The touch and skin-to-skin contact we get while cuddling releases oxytocin, the feel-good "love" hormone. A new survey of 1,000 American adults, conducted in late-July and released on Wednesday, shows: 25 percent consider polyamory, which YouGov defines as the practice of engaging in multiple sexual . Nevertheless, individuals may find ways to reconcile their religious values with their choice to practice polyamory. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. Could you say more on that? So that dynamic just continued to sort of play out in our relationship. We eventually went and sought out a sex therapist, and she encouraged me to really think about my own desires and my own fantasies. Extremism of any sort breeds attachment, and attachment causes pain through loss, which is inevitable because everything is fleeting. Access audience intelligence, brand tracking and research about your sector. And if youre able to just lean into that, I definitely understand how people can maintain their faith and be polyamorous, too. So that must mean that Im demisexual. Leanne: Yeah. Its fine. Its our responsibility. Also Read: Do You Talk Too Much? @puritytopolyamory: I mean, I am open to however my life whatever way my life goes. So that definitely tarnished the experience for me, knowing that I shared such a vulnerable moment with my partner at the time, and he had been lying to my face for two weeks. - Misconceptions in mainstream polyamorous narratives. We didnt do anything, but my friends danced with some guys, and I came back and shared that with my husband, and he was like, Oh you should have danced with people. I was like, whaaat? It just threw me. Thats the thing, is its just really making it that all sexuality and everything is in the hands of a woman. And then after that, the guilt was terrible for me. @puritytopolyamory: And I see it happening in the deconstruction community as well. I understand it. 15-21 definitions, but I instead choose "religious sexual counter-culture" to convey polys' identity and their intentionally counter-cultural value system. Sexual indulgence is not wicked, but it may be in some degree inadvisable, 2 Key Reasons Why Men Won't Stop Obsessing Over Size, How You Can Help When a Rape Case Goes to Trial, pathway to worshiping the divine in each of us, Polygamy, Group Marriage, Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy, Consensual Nonmonogamies Focused on Individuals, 3 Reasons Why Disgust Can Become a Sexual Turn-On, Five Reasons You Prefer Porn to Sex with Your Partner. The UU lack of dogma and emphasis on peace and equality with personal choice fits perfectly with polyamory, which (at least attempts to) refuses dogma and celebrates freedom, honesty, and integrity. Some people structure their consensually nonmonogamous relationships around a primary couple with other partners. Firstly obviously youre kind of transitioning the entire foundation of your relationship. @puritytopolyamory: And then you move into: well, the church is the bride of Christ. How did you move from that to non-monogamy? I guess what I noticed back in the beginning of this year I was kind of looking for more resources that talked about polyamory in the context of religion, and I was unable to find that kind of account or focus. There are different levels. Again, I think because he was just very excited about me becoming this new person. I genuinely really commend couples who are able to make that transition and still be together on the other side. While Islamic faiths also emphasize marital childbearing as the goal of sexuality, recreational sex between married people is acceptable and men must make sure to satisfy their wives sexual needs. Its just that love is abundant. Quodoushka is a decidedly Western and recent amalgamation of Native American spiritual tenets combined to create a practice aimed to heal shame and allow spiritual seekers to experience the fullness of their intimate connections, though some critics dispute its reputed spiritual roots and see it rather as a money-making scheme. LISTEN NOW. So, yeah. We never had to explain not eating meat on Fridays for portions of the year - a big chunk of the rest of the kids at school were doing it, or explaining that they used the under-12 loophole for fasting & dietary requirements until the day they turned 12 in their house. But do you think that I mean, obviously, I do know that there are polyamorous Christians out there, and there are polyamorous people who are all kinds of religions. The recent Supreme Court decision which asserted that the right to marry is a constitutional right, including for same sex couples, has raised prompted some commentators to question whether the same could be said of polygamy. Leanne: Yeah, yeah, no, completely. I did have Jessica Fern on during the first season [Episode 4; October 19, 2021], which was a really awesome episode, where we talked about this specific pipeline: purity to polyamory. Leanne: Okay. Jealousy is seen as good, you know? @puritytopolyamory: Right, yeah. Thats always kind of you know, its scary as well, but it can be a very fulfilling experience.
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