Sha-You are in a financially abuse relationship. I found out what was missing in my life. Well believe me you will find him Until the magic wears off again and you are in the same position again. If you agree to end the marriage, it would be because you have done your best to communicate and resolve your issues together but couldnt. Ann, I know that you have children, great financial ties, and have been married for 17years but it sounds like you are also in a seriously unhealthy marriage. I dont think Ill ever feel anything toward my husband again, and I still have a long life in front of me. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but if you would like to discuss this, or any other concern, with a therapist or counselor, you can locate one in your area by using our website. If youve fallen out of love and have tried to work on it already, you dont have to stay just because you signed a marriage license. You fall in love, and the romantic phase can blind you to your partner's imperfections. If youre thinking of leaving make sure you have a support system. I confronted her and she hit me with the i love, but in love with you spiel.. She had a crush on me when we were kids at a private tennis club. I also said that he wasnt going to agree to anything but joint physical custody of our daughter. $('.headMenuLinksMob').hide(); I got married to my husband who is 32 when I was 20 its been two years. I know you wrote that you have worry your husband will fall in love with someone else before you realize for sure if you are still truly in love with him but if you feel you could be happier with someone else or the potential and he could find the same for him does that make you happy or does it still make you worried and miss your husband more? There used to be anticipation, initiation of plans, anxious conversations, calls to hang out merely, and an interest in what they were up to each day. After he has vented and the time is right see if you can tell him how you feel nicely but try not to hurt his feelings. He is sweet, romantic, great with my son and just all around perfect for me. I cant stand it . Hi, I can understand and I am into my 17th year of my marriage and I already feel like I like my husband but I am not in love with him. They said that I should have left dad when he cheated all those years ago. My advice. Please anyone can give any suggestion please. And by devoting more time and mental energy into my marriage, guess what I finally admitted to myself my marriage sucks! new Date().getTime(),event:'gtm.js'});var f=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0], Ive been married for 2 yrs experiencing the same nonsense. My gosh Im glad I found this, and I hope people are still reading it. Survivor, Ill check back in soon with my update. We got married when we were 21. Worst of all? His so disrupting! I have lost who i am as a person. But I can feel that he is a good guy. I knew that things werent perfect and the routine of being married, commuting to work, and raising our 6 year old did lead us both to very mundane lives. just talk to him about it and get him to counseling or maybe he needs church. I am attractive to him and while we try to do things together, it just isnt there for me. Im sure you were 100 percent innocent in any breakups..,assuming you have actually ever been in a relationship and arent just role-playing never been that close to a woman. As one of you shared, my husband has always put on quite a bit of weight an sitting around watching TV is his thing other than fishing. I moved out to give us space because we only kept fighting over the same things (not just about the affair, everything) with no resolution but I promised that we would go on dates and see each other which we did. I wasnt ready for that. He said I didnt break his heart I tore it out of his chest. I love my husband and he would do anything for me. Yesterday I told my wife I do not love her. Yes I can complain a hell of alot, but when last have I said I love you to my partner or winked at him or dressed up sexy just for him or grabed his ass or just even kissed or held him, etc. Goes to bed earlier and gets up earlier. And no patience. But the only way I have now said that is going to work for me is to not be her fall back plan I have worked on my issues that I was not happy with and now feel I can move on without her if necessary but ultimately until they realize that might loose you they will just sit back and watch your actions and if you are needy like I was at first they will only feel sorry for you and list for some other dude. Values change, beliefs change and people want different things so they divorce. If u r not happy in yo marriage u cant force yoself but think of yo kids they come first in any decision u make. Once these things begin to fall away, its a sign that youre not in love anymore. Your partner merely adds to it. Im sorry if I am being selfish, but I want HAPPINESS, I want PASSION, I want DESIRE, Spontaneity, Adventures, I want to travel! We have different beliefs, we have nothing in common accept that we are nice people. The hero instinct is probably the best-kept secret in relationship psychology and the few women who know about it can have an unfair advantage in love. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. I wanted to try to make it work because of my kids but it seems to be affecting them negatively anyway, seeing a loveless relationship. Its only natural that most relationships start out with heated passion in the bedroom, but then slowly fizzle into something that fits into a routine. She says she doesnt love me anymore and doesnt want to stay with me. : Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling MenLundy Banroft Any requests you make are never acknowledged or fulfilled. You might try meditating, doing yoga, or even having a spa night at home. See 15 signs you dont love him anymore and you seriously (like, seriously) want out of the relationship. Plenty of men and women are.Yes,men also suffer emotional abuse.I am a woman by the way. Just make the decision. He was the first one I felt comfortable letting my guard down with only to leave me feeling emotionally betrayed by his carelessness and lack of interest. He is now a whole lot better, but I told him that I have fallen completely out of love with him and see him differently. People that are not in love do those things. We talked again last night and he still doesnt understand where this is all coming from. He asked me again if there was someone else and couldnt believe that I would leave our daughter (he wants physical joint custody). I think its reasonable and would be best for the kids, as they are close to both of us. I dont know how much of it is her testing me, how much is her desire to be with other men for physical reasons (which might make sense if were platonic) and how much is her desire to find another relationship, in which case i am setting myself up for even more pain when she tells me shes moving out and moving in with X and the kids. Work unlike anything youll ever experience in your life. Im 44 , hes 8 years older. Ive been reading the comments and postings in this thread, and hear the very real pain and fear and loss that they each contain. Firstoff, I know everyone in this forum will probably laugh at me when I tell you how long I have been married, because you will say, oh, go fly a kite, youve obviously overcome everything to have achieved those numbers. Infatuation is not genuinely love but has the potential for enduring a long-term, making people mistake it for love. Divorce is sad and hard and you will go through rough times, but such is life. Your instincts might just be telling you that youre not in love anymore. I know he really wants things to work & feels responsible because of the past, but I cant help feeling this way. If I dont yell or scream nothing gets done around the place. This is why some women ask questions like I don't love my husband anymore but he loves me. I already told him several times that im not happy, and sometimes i want out, he will change for a week and then goes to his routine,thats why i dont think he takes it seriously. I want my daughters to grow with their father but I feel im not happy with him anymoreplease help:(. I just want out but the effect this will have on my 10 yr old daughter is too much for me to bare. I have no respect for him, hes a horrible bully who always still hides behind his parents, and his mother helps him every step of the way. I have so much empathy for you all and that gives me a little more compassion for my own moral short comings. Everyone has regrets. I dont want them to think that this is how a relationship should be. And I saw how some believe this extramarital activity can be confused as love when its again the rush of needs fulfillment. But if your husband is a Twat like yoursthen you definitely need more than a distance. Make dinner , check We barely have sex, he sleeps on the sofa and we never kiss. you will meet someone else not knowing that guy probably be an idiot . Sorry, I misread your post and got it mixed up with something else i read on the forum. I am respected in the community for what I do. $('.submenu').hide(); Hes 4 years older than me. He always resolves everything by hitting me. Dont keep torturing yourself or him. Bible says God, then wife, then children, then all the rest. The way he talks, the way he walks, the way he sleeps, the way he eats. Any advice will help..tia, Hi Chloe, certainly relating to many of these comments. I suppose you cant just base it on looks but if you dont have the other attractions looks mean a lot.If there is a connection grow it. So did u get divorce?? Now he has taken over the whole household that I use to do. He refuses to change anything about himself and his circumstances, stating, I have to be happy too. He said he doesnt want to go to counseling, because I do tell him how I feel, but nothing ever gets resolved. I litterly cant remember the last time he gave me a gift. I moved for him, changed jobs, relocated away from friends and family so that he was happy. I havent wanted to be intimate with him for many years. Wow! He think that everyone owes him. She said she felt that way for a long time, yet a few months prior she writes a love letter to me on our anniversary. This is untrue. Thank you for your comment. We dont get turned on by how the other wants to be kissed. I am scared. (Keep in mind I work as well) but he will drop anything if its for his motorbike or something he wants to do! At the same time, be willing to listen to their criticisms and requests for change. I realized I dont love him and I dont think I really felt deeply for him, things just moved so fast, I was pregnant at 3 months of our relationship and engaged at 6 month. RAIN, Are you nuts? There is, however, the open question about loving me again she seems so convinced that she wont be able to and I cant understand that. I have been with the same $('.submenu').hide(); 1 Your Heart Doesn't Race Around Them Even in a long-term relationship, your partner should still be able to occasionally make your heart beat faster. Also fell pregnant not long into the relationship. I liked the idea of no birth control and as long as adoption was on the table as an option, I felt good about the decision we made. I actually share your thoughts and Im a woman. Ive been married to the most gorgeous caring man for the last 10 years, been together 12 Most importantly, she is a wonderful mother to our 13 year old son. Weve been married over 30 years, the first half of which he drank and feel asleep all the time no he watches TV and falls asleep all the time. There are a lot of things I dont like, and thought these things would change afterwards. Ive been married for 5 years, together for 7, and have 2 kids which I love so dearly. I feel exactly the same as well. I am nearly ready to leave my husband will not leave nor accept me wanting a separation, I think i will leave him with the property and rent somewhere for a little while with my 3 children, he is a good man but my love for him has gone and now although no man in particular I am out enjoying other mens attention without guilt/remorse. In the past he had huge anger problems. I am so lost. Maybe if they got an education first before jumping into a marriage and having kids, theyd have made better relationship choices? However after quitting a job, having a child and isolated in suburb, I lost confidence and lost my own voice. . I have often struggled to leave my husband but have stayed hoping he would change. i am always praying that we can still be forever. 3. When we spend time with groups of friends, we rarely engage in conversation with each other, and often are at different sides of the room. I know because I still live in fear of my ex husband, but I had to leave. It's the old idea that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping another person if the plane is crashing. I think that not having that quality time will turn down the flame or extinguish a lot of relationships. I am 41 years old, and I have so much love to give. why do i need to change or compromise. Much Love, Happiness and Stand Your ground Andy. Its not going to be easy but its worth a shot. I want to let everyone know there are no kids involved. I have gone for therapy and I whilst I have made the decision to leave my husband in my head, I have not actioned it out because I feel sorry for him and wander what he will do if I leave him and I worry what family and friends will say about my behaviour. This past weekend we were at a friends wedding and I had no desire to dance with him or even be around him. On the rare occassions He does something proactively he expects a medal!And dont go there with sex. She says she cant trust me and she doesnt want to live with me or have me in her life, even, if the kids werent around. It took me and my husband 2yrs but it could take longer or shorter for you, as long as you continue to be patient, understanding of the other persons point of view, there is hope. What would you do the crazy part is even before this other woman I always felt deep down inside I wish I was single. } Mostly what he does is sit around watching conspiracy theories on youtube all day. Daisy102: Your kids are at the age that they do realize more then you think. I really wasnt ready and, selfishly, was disappointed with how he proposed. I however absolutely do not want a divorce. You dont want your daughter to have a bad impression if you get a divorce? Last Updated July 12, 2023, 3:01 pm, by I know I have a good thing, with a man I can talk to and I know Ill probably never truly leave him. Tina, if theres a chance at happiness with your old flame, why not trying it? We dont make love, we dont connect spiritually or emotionally. However my marriage takes so much out of me it makes me depressed. Try your best not to react to his attempts to fight,specially when your children are present. I really feel sad most of the time and it breaks my heart cause i dont want to hurt him. I am coming to grips with the fact that maybe my marriage isnt meant to be. I worked hard as a single parent to raise my 3 kids without the help of their biological father and now see financial struggles ahead instead of what should be financial freedom. But what happens in these sort of relationship is that we as wives dedicate all our life to the abusers.We dont have healthy boundaries and think little of ourselves,so much low self esteem make us behave as doormats.And although we cannot control their behaviour ,we can control ours.We can control the way we react to their behaviour. I cant believe so many people are feeling the same way I do. Which it was a mistake made by me. B) We have sexual intimacy problems: either we are not attracted to them or sex is virtually non existent in the marriage, C) We have discovered someone else who we believe is THE ONE or we just prefer or enjoy spending time with this other person and we dont care for having an affair so we want to be honest and call it quits on the marriage. I know I am definitely struggling with depression right now but I dont know what to do. Hasnt pay attention to me for years. Youll learn the little things you can do today to trigger this very natural instinct in your husband. for what I feel like is most of our twenty year marriage. Even our family members tell us that we are looking like love birds. I have tons of emails and texts, that prove the abuse and neighbors who would testify to having to protect us at their home when he had very bad rages. I avoid sex because he just makes me want to vomit. I dont know if Im doing the right or wrong thing. Most if the time his statements have an if or maybe. You hate your husbandthats a powerful thing and not easy to overcome. But based on what you said. This is not how I planned on growing old with someone. But when you are at home, show signs of the love you have for her. I left a year and a half ago due to a huge alcohol issue which took over our marriage for the last 10 plus years. This is because fighting can cause stress, and you just want to avoid it. There is so much more to this, than what I just wroteI feel like there is no way this is going to end well. I would beg him to talk me and tell him little things matter. You know what is best. What do I do? .I want adventure I want more sex..see my husband always turns me down so I gave up trying and now Im not interested in sex with him I dont like kissing him or being intimate with himsex with him is just for his pleasure forget about mine..any way told him how I was feeling and he said what are you going to do about thisreally should it have been what are we going to do.he just blows off every thing likes its all ok..also like I said Ive been with him 10 yrs about 7 of those he did not work I supported himin trying to find himself in the process I lost myself I work hard always have he is 35 and decides now he wants to job jump I want security I dont see it with him Ive always wanted to adopt his excuse for us not to is he dies not want children b3 a use they will take all my time away from himso that meeting we had 2 days later he says oh since we are moving in our house maybe we can adopt. My husband has changed so much from the day we came home from honeymoon. I stopped talking to this woman and I dont even she likes me the way I like her. 3 months ago she told me she is not in love with me. Just dont say bad things about their dad to them that will not help. God does NOT want you to he abused. Was a good father and provider for the family. My husband was drinking and was diagnosed with pancreatitis over 4 years ago and never went back to the doctor. Frowning or tensing up when you approach him. And even then it is very ordinary and the passion is gone, that once was. Once upon a time he was my love and life !! I dont think either of us is at fault. Its not fair what I am doing. Now she seems to be very distant. So glad to hear that it is enlightening! I dream about having my own apartment and living by myself. Been married for 38 years. Im tired and feel like Ive neglected myself giving up everything for him and to make sure a roof was over his head. Your partner may have a difficult time making eye contact with you when you're talking to one another, which could mean that they're not listening or don't care about having communication with you. Please leave him now before its too late for you and him both. My answer to the question can love come back is yes, it can. I dont know what to do anymore. In all honesty, mates can love each other and fall out of love with their partner often while in a long-term commitment. I feel stuck because I currently cant afford a place on my own with rent prices as high as they are. Shes still very nice to me but I think she senses Im just not happy. :-), I could have written this. Of course not. However despite the fact that theres a lot missing in our relationship he is good to the kids so I deal with it. He does not help me raise our kids. I dont want to get back with him right away, but Id like to be on my own to at least try to date. For the first time in my life I.feel loved unconditionally and I feel safe. Were not bad people, in fact the fact that we are all agonizing over this means we still love our spouse and our children. Is it worth it? My hubby also stepped out on our marriage from time to time. Well aware of the two sides to every story/marriage. He professes his undying love for me numerous times a day, calls me lovely names, is generally a good kind man, but is immature and does not share any of the same interests I have. He is a great dad, I just worry about how it will affect our daughter. I think my situation would be a lot easier to deal with if we did not have children. I dont want him to touch me at all. We havent had sex in a year and he proposed me to have a sexless marriage. Having a 3rd child is probably stressing you out a bit too. This isnt an either/or kind of choice at all. I hope you find a way to express your feelings and be able to talk rationally. A few years ago I bumped into my ex and all these feelings of being sexy and attracted to a man was sparked and although that wasnt pursued, it was nice to feel like that part of me didnt disappear but is buried. $('.submenu').hide(); 3. can i put up with this person till i die..? Please. If going out with anyone other than your boyfriend seems like the better option, then youre probably not in love with him anymore and should reconsider your relationship with him. I have no more interest in being with him romantically or sexually. He treats me like a queen and does everything for me BUT I found out about a year into the marriage that he had withheld the fact that he had $23k of credit card debt and after we faced another drastic financial event, he stole about $7k from his job to pay for it (a HORRIBLY irrational decision made in duress). I found a church in my neighborhood that provided Christian counseling to women based on their income. I know I care about him, but thats as far as it goes. You deserve so much better but even if he/she was perfect in every way people who believe love is a feeling will ALWAYS lose that feeling. I dont have much advice for you (although personally I think you could do much better) but Id like to express how great I think you are. He said I spoke to him rudely. How do I bring up the D subject. Dont do this mistake that guy is just an attraction n he wont accept you dnt ruin ur life n ur kids life you arent single anymore, Hi, Im a 31year old woman who has been married for almost 10 years now and have been with my husband for 12 years now. If he really loves you he will change. Whatever you do, do not drag this. I was never really passionately in love with him At the time we met he was just a nice guy who seemed stable and relatively attractive though not my dream man. You have a 1 year old, are there postpartum support programs in your city? Yes, hold off on having any kids. I talked to him about it, but it sounds like he ignores it. I hate that sometimes my reaction is now what? But I say it respectfully. I dont ask for much just get the odd jobs around the house done that I cant physically do! I apologized for me saying that stuff and explained thats not why I loved her in the first place. Everyone deserves to be happy Alex. I know Im still young and inexperienced and all but maybe this will help whoever reads I think. Those compliments you used to get are now reserved for other people. When we agreed almost 3 years ago to split, i think we were in a good place. I keep telling myself it is worth it in the long run but it just is so overwhelming. We been Married for 6 years, now my husband he want to get divorced me, I am so sad,IM still loving him,i dont know what to do? I feel anxiety the moment I walk in the door. I just have to stop this. I do love my husband, always have, but I don't think I'm in love with him. As soon as he started spending more time with coworkers he was already looking for someone else. Oxoxo -Nat. Having children to fix things. I moved with him after 6 months dating because my dad was struggling with drugs and I needed to get away from home for a while. She brought stuff up about me being stupid and verbally abusive. Thats fairy tale movie bull. I gave in to practically all that he It seems a lot of people are having this problem I have been married for 22 years and have become absolutely miserable. And to me it isnt deciding to bail, its deciding to live. I never left because he made the most financially and I was afraid to step out on my own. About two years ago he made me give up my seat in a public place for a girl in her twenties. I hope you and your husband find happiness again. I dont have a social life because of him. He is a loser and i hate him,my problem is, i dont have anywhere to go. I guess I stick this out for 17 more years.. There have been some happy times but i honestly havent enjoyed a holiday due to his huffy insecure behaviour and over the years he has really knocked my confidence and self esteem. Lack of good sex is partly to blame. Im crying myself to sleep again and decided to google for help. Thanks to all the brave posters. Dont feed on those thoughts .. its not from God. Its a brave and mature decision in my opinion to talk about your feelings openly in a marriage. Life is short and you have done your duty. I am 38 years old. Nurturing the partnership involves so many other ingredients, including communication, time, energy, undivided attention, and maintaining that sense of commitment. Im trying to figure out if I love love him or if its as a best friend. You cannot control his behaviour but you can control yours and the way you react to him.Practise how to control your emotions,take that power out of his hands.Be the example you would like your kids to follow.Lower your expectations forward your husband.He is as he is and will only change if he wants to.There is nothing you can do about it.If you want to leave,leave.But be careful how you do it.He only has you and might become desperate when he realises he is losing you too and become aggressive. Dont assume, listen. I truly love him and married him because i did. i am so confused. He also makes childish and annoying sounds that arent cute coming from him. Talk about about what you both want for your kids. Stolen waters are sweet but they leave you with should of and could of regret. Buckle up and be there for your kids! He is mean to my 9 year old daughter. You cant make a heart be in love with someone. Nice guy, hes 64 Im 57. Thoughts? Lately I havent been feeling the connection. so complicated- thats what marriage really is at the essence right? googletag.pubads().enableSingleRequest(); Passion in the bedroom isnt everything in a relationship, but it can explain a lot. We have 3 kids, the youngest being 1 year old. $('.submenu4').hide(); I dont sleep whith him for several years now. Now he wanted me to drink medicine to stop my pregnancy. Troubled & really conflicted. $('.submenu1').hide(); Without the fuel that feeds the soul? Im 43 years old and married with my husband for 15 years we hve two kids.Im into abusive marriage but handling for the sake of our kids .Hes manipulative, he always told me that yoghurt is black and I should believe.He always embarrassed me and doesnt want me to have friends and family. He may not clearly see all of what youre feeling or what youre going through. First of all i want to say right now Im pregnant and have tm2 kids weve been married for 8 years and i dont know if its just hormonal imbalance or not, but I have been feeling this way for about 3 years i guess on and off. My family adores him. I cringe every time this happens, but I hold my tongue. Hi ive been married for 4 years I have 2 daughters. I loved her for her mind. Not a Wife. I dont know what to do, my husband works makes good money but he has cheated on me in the past a lot of times, now all of a sudden he acts like he is ready to be a husband but Im not in love with him anymore! What happened to us doesnt mean it will happen to you. I live day by day. I have a friend that Ive been friends with for a while that I have feelings for and I know its wrong but it just happend and my friend wants to be serious with me and settle down and I feel that me and him could have something great he already respects me now so imagine if we were together I am afraid to leave my husband who honestly is a great hard working man to be with someone else and I end up looking stupid I dont trust men and I dont know what to believe. I start on Friday. If some miracle happended and he turned back to the man he once was and the way he respected and cared for me, I dont think a physical relationship would ever be possible. She always forgave me and I find better ways of hiding stuff and as technology grew I used seperate phone apps and adjusted. I wanted a nice family, all he wanted, I really dont know what he wanted. I however am having such a difficult time. I said yes but wasnt ready to get married as I was still in love with someone else. Im confused. When two people get together in the beginning, they feel like theyre one whole. You just summed up my exact situation. But for the past three years Ive realized Im no longer attracted to him. OMG, why are you still there?? I just want to be able to communicate my feelings without being screamed at. My husband and I have been together for about 5 years and married almost 2. Im thinking of leaving town. I was ill for weeks. I am at the point were its turning into hate. Last year we went to counseling a few times but when we stopped going we were back at square one. A half relationship is not enough. When hes angry he doesnt care what he says or how it hurts Im to forgive and move on..I finding myself not able to do that anymore..im 56 now I seek peace kindness happinessshould I stay or should I go?
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